We all tend to hold on to our loved ones, be it our friends or family. So much so, that we are unable to see our own existence without them. Loving and caring for people is a lovely experience but holding on to them when it has had its ‘time’ and expecting the same from them can be stressful.
Every individual is different and unique and each one of us have different relationships with different people; we may be very close to some, not so close to others and may even try and keep some at bay as an acquaintance
With every relationship we have or any person we connect with, we set our own expectations from them and if it doesn’t progress the way we expect it to, we may be left heartbroken. It’s a beautiful world out there and you will meet many wonderful people in life. I am not saying we shouldn’t form new relationships, treasure our existing ones and hold on to our good friends. Of course we should!! However, I feel we should be able to freely decide for ourselves when is the right time to let go of them if need be…
Let me tell you, it’s not as easy as it sounds. It may be daunting at first but someone very close to me told me once, ‘Every relationship has it’s time’. Everything including our relationships come and go at the right ‘time’ and stay for as long as it is meant to; no matter how much you want it to stay.
It’s not that someone comes up to you and tells you “you know what? The ‘time’ is up” nor is it marked by the sound of some ‘magical bells’. So, how do we know it is time to let go? There is no right or wrong answer to this question. We are all different and we deal with situations differently. I have a simple rule… I usually think about the reasoning as to why I am holding on to a relationship and try to answer some basic questions (I am sure you do too):
- Is it because I want to be loyal to it?
- Is it because they are special and they deserve it?
- Is it because I am used to it?
- Does the relationship allow me my space?
- Does it encourage and allows me to grow and chase my dreams?
- Am I treated as an equal and do I get the respect I deserve?
- Is the relationship becoming superficial and holding on stresses me out?
Once I have answers to these questions, I feel much more empowered to make the right decision to either continue to hold on or to let it go..
I thought it ends there, I make a decision and there I am, all set to move on.. But does it actually end there?
You may hold on to someone or you may let them go but what about them? It’s human to expect the same from them, isn’t it? “I have decided to move on and I am happy, so why can they not just let me…?” But is it fair?? When we consider a number of things and have a rationale behind our choice, so how can we expect the other side no to do so and just be happy with our choice?
I leave it to you to think about it but as I said before this is not an easy experience and people do react to things differently. For some, it is easy to make a choice and move on while others may take some time or may even need some help to move on in life. Give them some time and they will get there, we can only hope. May be this is an area, I will write about at some point in one of my blogs, but for now I would say, whatever decision you take, make sure you make it for yourself and your own happiness, even if it means being a bit selfish. There is no harm in thinking about yourself in a relationship which comes to a junction where you have two paths to choose from: ‘to hold on’ or ‘to move on’.
Think Well & Live Well…